VW: 'DRIVE THIS, BITCH!'
"On the road of life, there are passengers, and there are drivers. Drivers wanted." Oh, Volkswagen... It would be so nice to believe that no money down and $395 a month on a brand new, four door, five-speed, 1998 Jetta GLS Sedan will put me in control of my destiny. But, alas, I am burdened with the knowledge that you are full of crap.
Despite what your TV commericals would have us believe, Volkswagens are not cajones-to-the-wall, take-charge automobiles. In fact, compared to other cars in their primary price range ($15,000-$25,000), they're not even particularly cost-effective or reliable. I am therefore forced to dispute any implied connection between buying a Volkswagen and being a "Driver."
If I blow the doors off a Volkswagen GTI (ret. $17,795) in the quarter-mile driving a Chevy Camaro RS (ret. $17,970), am I not a Driver? Two generations of Americans would say I am, and we invented the friggin' automobile.
If I pay half as much (over five years) to maintain and repair a Nissan Sentra GLE (avg. $2658), than a Volkswagen Cabriolet (avg. $5586), thereby saving enough to buy new skis, am I merely a along for the ride? Hear my mocking laughter as I charge down the slopes.
If I garner more admiring looks in a Mazda Miata MX-5 (ret. $21,095) than in a clunky Volkswagen Passat GLK Wagon (ret. $21,689), am I not hugging the curves on the road of life?
If I'm smart enough to see your admittedly clever pitch for the plastic body-filler it is... well, you get the picture.
Ah, Volkswagen... I was often a passenger in your bugs and vans as a child. Back then, you really had a lot to offer in a "folks wagon:" affordability, reliability and ease of repair. Now that I'm a Driver, what have you got for me? A catchy sales-pitch? For what that's worth, you can stick it up your Fahrvergnugen.
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